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Archives for January 2013

In Search of More Heroes

We love our heroes. Whether they are warriors like Sir William Wallace, humanitarians like Mother Teresa, or civil rights activists like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., we are captivated by those that reach beyond reason, risking their lives, for the good of humanity. And when we look through history, we find heroes in every society—men and women who sacrificed their own well-being in hopes of bringing freedom and opportunity to the people they loved.

Now even though heroes come in all shapes and sizes, we often have an idealized image of what a hero should be like; we call that hero a superhero. What’s fascinating about America’s quintessential superhero is how much he has evolved in just one generation. Thirty years ago our superhero of superheroes was Superman. Superman was an incredible specimen, with strength, power, and natural ability beyond human imagination. And Superman’s human persona—Clark Kent—was a man of impeccable character: humble, gentle, quiet, innocent, pure, and perfect in seemingly every conceivable way. Without blemish or flaw, Hollywood portrayed Superman as a Christ-like figure, coming to earth from another world to save the human race.

Thirty years later, Hollywood has brought a new super superhero to town; we call him Iron Man. Unlike Superman, Iron Man’s strength, power, and ability are not natural; they are a product of human innovation. And Iron Man’s human persona—John Stark—isn’t the nicest guy. To be honest, John Stark is a bit of an ass. He’s arrogant and self-righteous, forceful and loud, and he’s prone to get drunk on alcohol and women. Iron Man is imperfect in seemingly every conceivable way.

So, what’s the deal? Why is Iron Man portrayed as the kind of guy you would never let your daughter date?

Over the past few years, I’ve read and heard Christian leaders and critics of culture lament how our standards of moral excellence have diminished as a society and how that’s evident in Hollywood confusing good with evil by portraying even our greatest superheroes as morally suspect. These same Christian leaders and critics then go on to lament how this lack of morality is reflective of the next generation—a generation that has lost its moral compass and is no longer interested in the things of God, calling church irrelevant.

Holy cow, Batman! Is that really their conclusion, that the next generation is drawn to imperfect superheroes like Iron Man because it has lost its moral compass? Seriously, have they read the Bible?

Beside Jesus himself, is there any other biblical hero that isn’t morally suspect? Just consider a few of the more famous biblical heroes: Noah liked his wine and got passed-out drunk; Abraham pimped his wife and slept with her maidservant; Jacob deceived his father in order to steal his older brother’s blessing; Moses murdered a man and hid the body; and David took another man’s wife, got her pregnant, and then sent the man on a suicide mission. Which of these heroes would you let your daughter date?

You see, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David and all the other great men and women of faith are not heroes because of their moral excellence; they’re heroes because each of them defied reason and lived by faith, risking their lives in order to bring freedom and opportunity to the people they loved, the people God loved.

Maybe the problem with the next generation isn’t that they’ve lost their moral compass or that they’ve become disinterested in God. Maybe the next generation has simply become disinterested in a faith that places more emphasis on moral excellence than on bringing freedom and opportunity to people in need. Maybe the next generation needs more heroes—men and women who neither hide nor flaunt their moral imperfections, but honestly and openly struggle with their flawed humanity as they sacrifice their lives for the people they love, for the people God loves.

Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed “Control Freak”

Two weeks ago I invited people familiar with “Dying to Control” to share their personal stories of life-change. The following submission is a revealing account of one person’s current struggle and her hopes of experiencing more freedom than she’s ever experienced before. I hope you enjoy her story.

“So I have been thinking a lot lately about some stuff.  God usually has to hit me over the head with “stuff” before it begins to sink in.  I have been struggling a lot lately with my relationship with my wonderful and favorite oldest daughter (I have two daughters, one favorite oldest and one favorite youngest) who is 12.  For some time now she has been emerging into this “teenager” believing she has all the right answers and knows more than those around her.  She also is emerging into this young lady who wants freedom and thinks that her parents are too “strict” – she doesn’t even begin to understand that term!  Anyway, as I have been thinking about our interactions and fights lately it makes me sad that I have this need to continue to engage in this “struggle”.  I have been trying to understand the “why” to my actions.  I have the most amazing husband/partner in this life together that keeps “trying” to remind me that I am supposed to be the “mature” one emotionally, physically and spiritually and I need to just relax and we will all get through this stage!  I have had some amazing teaching in the last 10 years about loving others and God and having a relationship and not a contract where I get goods and services and that ends it.  I need to be engaging in life together with people and not trying to “control” everything.  I have never thought of myself as a control freak, but when I really look at even saying that I am not a control freak, that makes me a control freak.   I hope that this is all beginning to sink into my brain where I can honestly say I don’t “need” to be in control.  I don’t “need” to have all the right answers, and most importantly I don’t “need” to self-protect myself.  What I “need” is to stop blaming others for their behaviors and actions toward me.  What I “need” is to stop “needing” to be right in every conversation, especially with my 12 year old.  What I “need” is to live the life that God has called me to live and let Him control every aspect of it.  What I “need” is to respond in love when someone attacks me.  What I “need” is to not be defensive when someone points out that I have “issues” I need to work on.  What I “need” is to remember all of this when the flesh starts to take over and I feel threatened.  I am going to continue to fight with my 12 year old daughter, I am going to continue to feel ashamed and want to hide behind the tree when I feel threatened.  That stuff is not going to go away, but if I can remember to look back on how God has freed me from the bondage of being in control, being self-protective, and blaming others last week or last month or even yesterday then maybe today that freedom will come a lot quicker and I can let go a lot sooner.”

 

Is It Wrong to Want Control?

In my last post—We are Adam Lanza—I made the point that “we as a society are obsessed with the illusion of control, and when tragedy strikes, we’re more interested in trying to restore that illusion than in honestly assessing and dealing with the problem.” In response to that point, some people have asked, “Is it wrong to want control?”

That’s a good question, and it’s the subject of this post.

The desire for control is a natural phenomenon. Our mind is constantly taking in data through our five senses, filtering through that information, trying to make sense of the world around us. When we are unable to make sense of our world, or when our world goes into a state of chaos, we feel anxious and seek to bring order to that chaos. Taking it a step further, when our world becomes so chaotic that we feel personally threatened, fear kicks in, triggering the flow of adrenaline, setting off our fight-or-flight survival instinct.

Therefore, our desire for control—our desire to understand our environment and feel safe in it—is normal, which is why we appreciate the joke about the two men in the woods being chased by a bear. You’ve heard that joke, right? Two men are in the woods when they stumble upon a bear. Instinctively they turn and run. As they’re running away from the bear one man yells to the other, “Why are we running? We can’t outrun a bear?” Without looking back, the second man responds, “It’s not the bear I’m trying to outrun!”

The joke works because, in a humorous way, it brings to light a dark truth that we can relate to, that in life-threatening situations our natural instinct is to preserve self. That’s the natural order of things; that’s survival of the fittest. However, even though the fight-or-flight response is a natural and understandable reaction to an oncoming threat, it’s not our only option.

In the joke about the two men running from a bear, one man could have made the choice not to run; he could have sacrificed his life so that the other man could get away. Granted, that wouldn’t make for a funny joke, but it would make for an incredible story.

You see, in the face of fear we don’t have to run. We are not slaves to our primal urge to protect and preserve self. We can rise to something better, something that transcends the natural order of things. We can choose to love.

In a hectic, complicated world our illusion of control is constantly being threatened. Whether it’s an approaching super-storm, the effects of a sputtering economy, or the possibility of another terrorist attack, our lives are full of uncertainty. We can respond to each new threat with a fear-driven fight-or-flight mentality or we can be motivated by love. It’s our choice.

To be honest, I’m tired of living in fear—it’s exhausting. When you’re motivated by fear: you feel anxious; you worry; you have nightmares; you dread what might happen; you hold your possessions tightly, not wanting to lose what you have; and you’re always looking out for people that can hurt you.

In contrast, living in love is invigorating. When you’re motivated by love: you’re at peace; you have hope; you have dreams; you look forward to what will happen; you hold your possessions loosely, willing to share what you have; and you’re always looking out for people that you can help.

Being motivated by love sounds so much better than being motivated by fear, doesn’t it? So then why is it so hard? Why are we so anxious? Why do we spend so much time worrying about what might happen?

For love to overcome our fear, we have to believe that there’s more to life than our own survival, that we’re part of something greater than our own individual lives. We need to be willing to sacrifice self for a greater good. I like the way a friend of mine put it in response to my last post: “The pendulum of entitlement needs to swing back to what made this country great…God, country, family, self.”

In the end, the question “Is it wrong to want control?” may not be nearly as important as the questions “Why do we want control?” and “What do we do with the control we have?”

Are we motivated by fear…love…or something else?

We are Adam Lanza

A blog entry that I posted three months ago, titled The Illusion of Control, received an unusual number of hits this past week. Curious as to why, I reread the entry.

The post began with a brief summary of the tragedy that occurred in the Washington metropolitan area back in October, 2002, when ten people were killed and three others were seriously wounded by two snipers randomly shooting people in shopping center parking lots and gas stations. Reflecting on that tragedy, I wrote:

“Horrific stories like this one are disturbing. Somewhere deep within our beings, maybe in our souls, we feel a most unsettling angst—one that tends to linger. Death can have this effect on us, particularly in situations where it could have been avoided, or in this case when it is a random, senseless act of violence. It just feels wrong.”

Somewhere in the middle of reading that paragraph I felt a cold chill as my mind migrated north from a parking lot in Washington DC to an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. For weeks now I have been wondering whether I should write something about the massacre that occurred in Sandy Hook on that cold December morning, but honestly, I have been at a loss for words, trying to make sense of yet another “random, senseless act of violence.

With Sandy Hook Elementary School on my mind, I continued reading my post from three months ago:

Beyond the tragic loss of life, there’s something else about an event like this that disturbs us—the jarring realization that we’re not in control of our lives as much as we’d like to think. The idea that I could be shot while loading groceries into my car reminds me that I do not sustain my own life. Sure, we can avoid dangerous situations and take meticulous care of our bodies, but ultimately we’re not in control. There are countless internal and external variables that could end our lives in an instant. A blood vessel could burst in my brain as I type these words and there would be nothing I could do about it; a drunk driver could hit me head-on before I have a second to react; a tidal wave could wash over my family as we stand helplessly on the beach; and a giant asteroid could be hurling toward Earth, and the only thing we could do would be to count down the seconds until impact. We are at the mercy of the world around us, and we need our bodies to perform countless involuntary functions to keep us alive. That’s part of why hearing a story about madmen randomly shooting people is so troublesome; it’s a shocking reminder that life is fragile and that we do not have ultimate control over our lives. Death, without warning, can visit any one of us at any time.

Reading that paragraph, I realized what it was that I wanted, needed, to write about.

This post is not a commentary on what happened the morning of December 14th, in Newtown, Connecticut; it’s about what’s happening all across the country now. Gun control has taken center stage in public and political discourse. Those in favor of greater gun restrictions have proclaimed the need to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again, while those against changing the gun laws have insisted on the need to defend the Constitution and our Second Amendment right to bear arms.

Seriously? Do those trying to take the moral high ground of defending the Constitution seriously believe this is a Second Amendment issue? And do those fighting for increased gun control seriously think that they can prevent this kind of tragedy from happening again?

Folks, let’s be honest with ourselves; this frenzy over gun control is largely a reaction to our illusion of control being shattered.

In the days after Sandy Hook, social media channels were flooded with concerned parents panicking over whether or not they should send their children back to school (as if the world had just become a dangerous place). And once the issue of gun control was raised, gun advocates started to lose their minds, sensing that their control was being threatened because “Big Brother” might take away their guns and their God-given right to buy and sell semi-automatic weapons.

So, what’s my point?

My point is that we as a society are obsessed with the illusion of control, and when tragedy strikes, we’re more interested in trying to restore that illusion than in honestly assessing and dealing with the problem.

Let’s take the shooting at Sandy Hook for example. We want to believe that access to guns is the problem, and we want to read a moving article like I am Adam Lanza’s Mother and think that addressing mental illness is the solution. Gun control and mental illness may be issues that we need to address, but they are not the foundational problem that’s killing our nation.

The foundational problem in America is that we believe that we are each entitled to control our own destiny and that “nobody has the right to tell me what to do.” In the case of Adam Lanza, we don’t know what motivated him to do what he did on the morning of December 14th, but I am convinced that beneath his motivation was the belief that his actions would somehow place him in a position of power and give him the control that he thought he was entitled to have. I further believe the same is true for the majority of people who have taken matters into their own hands over the past few decades, opening fire in their high schools, places of work, and public venues. The difference between those individual and the rest of society is that they were each detached from their conscience and unable to comprehend the gravity of their actions.

But are we as society any different than Adam Lanza? Have we as a society detached ourselves from our collective conscience and can no longer comprehend the gravity of our actions?

While the rich continue to insist that they’re entitled to keep more of their money, and the poor believe they’re entitled to more public assistance, and the sick feel entitled to unlimited health-care coverage, and the aging expect social security to support them until they die (even if modern technology allows them to live for another 100 years), our nation has dropped off a “fiscal cliff.” We are spending trillions of dollars that we don’t have, and while this is all happening, Republican and Democrats are fighting for control of Congress and the country, more interested in supporting the causes of their campaign donors and getting re-elected than in representing their constituents.

We have lost our collective conscience!

Just think for a moment about what we do on the day after Thanksgiving—the day after giving thanks for all the blessings that we have. On that day—Black Friday—we spend more money than any other day of the year, and we literally trample over each other buying stuff we really don’t need because we think we’re entitled to it. It’s insane! We have become so obsessed with our individual right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that we are unable to comprehend the gravity—the insanity—of our actions. So instead of looking the problem in the face when a massacre like Sandy Hook occurs, we kid ourselves into thinking the solution to the problem is as easy as gun control and a national campaign to address mental illness.

Seriously, is that what we really believe?

When will we be honest with ourselves? When will we stop chasing the illusion of control? When will we stop indulging our entitlements at the cost of bankrupting our nation and killing the next generation? And when will we stop trampling and shooting anyone who stands in the way of our controlling our own destiny?

We might not like it, and we might not want to admit it, but we are Adam Lanza.

And we need to get help before it’s too late.